Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sins of the mother

Last night I experienced what will likely be the first of many parental failings (er, learning opportunities). My baby fell off the bed and it was all my fault. The irony was that it happened in the middle of me lecturing Mr. Schneed about never turning his back on the baby while he's on the changing table because he's flipping around so much lately. Because he was flipping around so much, I put him on the bed to change him. And, of course, I just had to grab his socks while he was on the bed, leaving him at least two seconds in which to crawl over and dive head first off the bed. So much for depth perception. I was turning around when I heard the frightening thump of his sweet baby head hitting the hard wood floor. His face froze in terror for a few seconds before he howled in pain. Isn't that the worst? When they are so freaked out that they can't even cry? My heart drops every time that happens. I hugged him tightly and consoled him and two minutes later it was like it never happened. For him. For me it was far more traumatizing. I let him get hurt. Oh, mommy guilt is fierce!

Mr. Monk now has the tiniest bump on his forehead today where I expected a giant egg. No doubt this will happen again (and again). Good thing my little guy is absurdly strong. I had no idea how tough babies were until I gave birth to a mini hulk hogan. While riding the train the other day, I was holding Mr. Monk when he suddenly jolted backwards, whacking the back of his skull against my brow bone. The shock and force of the reverse headbutt caused me to burst into tears. I honestly thought he split my eyebrow open. My crying scared the babe so he then started screaming (we're a barrel of fun on a train). Thankfully, both of us were totally fine though my eyebrow is still a bit sore and swollen.

Another time the babe was sitting on his grandfather's lap at a restaurant. Before my father-in-law had the chance to notice, Mr. Monk grabbed the paper placemat in front of him and shook so hard that the wine and water glasses resting on it both went flying and shattered all over the table. Everyone around us started laughing and clapping, which doesn't exactly discourage such behavior.

Is my baby a vampire? Incredible strength, impervious to injury, moves faster than we can see, pale...hmmm. What will he be able to do once he's mastered some hand eye coordination?

Can you spot my bruise?

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