The Great Outdoors

This week I've let my son eat as many hot dogs as he wanted.  Given that we've been to three barbeques in five days, that is not an insignificant number. Yes, they are filled with salt, nitrates and all sorts of other yummy good/badness, but it's still food!  Food and my boy aren't usually good friends after 4 pm.  He's buds with breakfast and definitely snacks, but late afternoon food just seems to piss him off.   And don't even mention dinner!  He HATES dinner now!  Who knows why they broke up, but I think it makes me saddest of all.  I'm sucking up like crazy to all food, trying to will it to make my son fall in love again.  So hooray for hot dogs.  I'll take it.

We spent the weekend up in heaven, aka Lake Tahoe.  My lungs feel cleaner but my car is waaaaay dirtier.  I learned how to ride a bike with no hands.  Taught myself and all.  Not a bad party trick, though the whole time my husband was screaming at me that I was going to fall.  He has no faith in my grace.  Rightfully so.

The wee one enjoyed the hiking, the biking and the boating. But, by far, his favorite part was sneaking into a nearby hotel swimming pool.  Shhh.  My husband, who was so scared of me riding a bike without holding on for ten seconds at a time, taught our toddles how to use a noodle to prop himself up and kick across the pool.  All in the time in took me to go to the bar and back.  Color me impressed. 

Today I learned officially what it means to be the mama of a little boy.  As we were driving home we started smelling a terrible smell.  A smell that weaved around the car and captured even the innocents in its fog.  Not wanting to smell the shite any longer, we pulled over to change the offending diaper.  I asked the boy for the tenth time if he pooped and still denial city.  Just as I was about to pick him up from the carseat, he burst out laughing and said "faaaht, faaaht.  Toto faaaht."  Toto would be Tony, our dog sitting in the back who apparently had one too many duck treats.  Clearly,  I need to prepare myself now for the booger humor. 

Moms Gone Wild, Part Deux

Who would have thought that the hardest partying I'd do in years would be with my moms group? I guess you really do need to let loose when you spend most of your time with a 25-pound maniac who goes from crying to laughing and back again in less than 3 seconds. The night involved many cocktails, even more wine and some much-needed dancing. Some fashion advice from hookers, cab hailing tips from homeless men, and tequila shots rounded out the evening. Thankfully, I found my mind just as the shots were being poured and conveniently went to the bathroom. Tequila and I had a falling out a few years ago and I'm still not ready to forgive.

I laughed pretty much the entire evening, louder and longer than I have in months. You know it was a good night when you're still giggling to yourself the next day. My husband does NOT appreciate the random giggling. We were remarking last night how damn lucky we are to have found one another while on this extraordinary journey of motherhood. Switch out "remarking" for "shouting" and I think I now understand why we got a few side eyes on our way out of the restaurant. Although I've only known these women for a little over a year, they are so dear to me and my bebe. They repeatedly tell me that we're both not crazy and for that I love them. And even though the night ended in puke (not mine, hooray), I think we'd all agree that the pain was worth the pleasure.

However. I could have done without being wickedly hungover while driving to Tahoe today in the middle of a rain/snowstorm. It took about 2 hours longer than normal and I saw no less than three accidents on the way up. Fun times. I'll be cleaning banana and dog food out of every crevice in my car for years after making the mistake of putting the grocery bag too close to one very bored toddler. Good thing I brought the fire truck-the child is straight obsessed these days. Fiyah. Not necessarily a good thing considering his dad was a total pyro as a kid. It looks like leaving the house is off the table for tomorrow unless we want to go snow swimming. Hot chocolate shots all around!

Another log into the fire

One of the perks of living in a very moderate climate is that my appreciation of winter is far more developed than it would be if I had to de-ice my car every morning for four months. So much so that I actually enjoyed shoveling the sidewalk this morning. The arm workout entirely justified the frozen pizza I later ate. We are housebound in Tahoe. Or, I should say the canine one, the toddling one and I are housebound while the manly one gets his skiing on. Cozying up to the fire, reading, and drinking endless cups of hot chocolate is not a bad way to spend a few days escaping our dusty home. I rather enjoy being forced to stay still and be idle because I'm usually pretty bad at it. Unfortunately, my son seems to have inherited this trait and was practically bouncing off the walls by the time I bundled him up to eat some snowflakes.


People, I may have changed my life for the much better today. I made the most nutritious and delicious snack ever-kale chips! We eat a lot of kale. More specifically, we drink a lot in our juices. Yes, we're still doing that. I can't believe it either. I definitely would have expected the juicer to be buried in the cabinet above the fridge by now. Miraculously, the juice makes an appearance in most of Mr. Monk's breakfasts. How confused he's going to be when he gets a bit older and realizes that "juice" doesn't just refer to vegetable juice. At least we throw an apple or two in there.

While we did bring no less than three different types of crackers for a three day trip, we somehow managed to control ourselves and not bring the juicer. And yet I packed all our veggies anyway. So...kale chips! I make brussel sprout chips all the time and I made these the same way. Basically, rip the leaves off the thick stems, tear into smaller pieces, sprinkle them with olive oil and salt, and bake them at 350 for 10-15 minutes until crispy. For the brussels, just chop off the bottom part of the teeny cabbage and peel off the layers of leaves. I like most things nearly burnt and, thankfully, so do my men. Mr. Monk ate the most chips. Ignoring the salt factor, I'd say not bad. Not bad at all. Buying the same thing at Whole Foods costs nearly ten dollars, so go green.


Also, how funny/strange is this website? It kind of makes me want to try on a pair of the mister's pants just to make sure they'd fit. It's amazing how some of the couples look almost interchangeable. And some look insane.

I actually ordered a non-fat, half-caf today

A man who is not my husband gave me flowers this week. Granted, he was my manicurist at a nail salon and they were wilting red roses post Valentine's Day...details. I'd like to think it was because I wasn't wearing my wedding ring and not to increase his tip, which was pretty generous because I felt so awkward. My husband, to his credit, did give me beautiful flowers on the day of Valentine. I couldn't care less about the "holiday," but they were a pretty surprise. He quite enjoyed his chocolate. And so did I.

Our little construction project has gotten a bit out of hand and we can't really be in our house right now. Road trip! We packed up the car, the kid and headed down to la la land today. We get to see family (in-laws in town) and old friends. Built-in babysitters and people to see-score! Plus, the weather here features real deal California sunshine. Not like San Francisco with it's sneaky, now you feel me, now you don't sun.

This afternoon I saw Patricia Arquette. Without even trying to stargaze. My husband is one of those ridiculous gawking types (so is my sister) who can't read lips or serious eye communiques. He always says (screams) "Who? Where?" as though there is no shame in calling attention to the fact that we are treating people like they are zoo animals. I am much more respectful and silent about it all. I emote internally. Living in LA for three years will train you to not freak out because you realize that celebrities drive carelessly, stand in the aisles for an inordinate amount of time at Whole Foods and usually look a lot shorter and less impressive in person. Stars, they're just like us. I still like seeing them and all the other insanely glamorous people that populate this town. Everyone is so beautiful. And so skinny! I would hate to be a teenage girl growing up here.

This week has been far too scary and stressful for people I love. Here's hoping this weekend provides some much needed relaxation and straight up fun for all.