Thursday, January 19, 2012

Got kegels?

Childbirth, the gift that keeps on giving...

Why is it that my kid has been incapable of napping for more than an hour straight in his crib of late but, sitting in the mall parking lot this morning, in an increasingly hot car parked in the sun, with an anxious mommy who is very afraid she might pee in her pants for the second time this week (yeah, that happened), he managed to sleep for 90 minutes and counting? Oh, little boy, even in your sleep you continue to outsmart me.

You really haven't lived till you've considered peeing in your kid's bottle. Constantly refreshing Facebook to check new status updates only gets you so far when your bladder is screaming at you. The only thing more precious than the sweet relief of a sleeping baby is the sweet relief of a toilet. But, I stand by the edict that you never, ever wake a sleeping baby.

The way I saw it, I had four options:

A) Pee myself and just buy new pants when I (finally) go in to the mall.

B) Have my husband drive 20 minutes to sit with the kid while I did my business.

C) Pee outside the car, pretending not to see all the hundreds of people in the parking lot who are also doing their civic duty by taking advantage of winter sales. This, of course, was my husband's suggestion-he could basically open the door a crack and mission accomplished. Stupid penis envy.

D) Continuously text my husband while he's hard at work to distract myself from seeing yellow and thinking happy peeing thoughts.

Obviously, I chose A. Macy's was having a 30% off jeans sale.


  1. OMG! I'm sorry but that is too funny. Didn't expect you to choose A! LOL

  2. If it wasn't for these damn kids our bladders would be in perfect functioning order.