Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Real World

When two people go from living across the country and seeing each other once every few weeks to living in a house together, they stop being polite and start getting real.

I moved to SF almost four years ago and have spent most of that time trying to convince my husband to move back to the East Coast. When I moved, we had been dating long-distance between NY and SF for over a year and one of us had to give. It made sense for me to go because I was the more portable party (didn't own my home; didn't have an established business) and, amazingly, my job agreed to let me work remotely. As hard as it was for me to leave NYC and my family/friends, I was excited for the new adventure. Mainly, I was excited because I thought of it as a short-term thing. I figured we would be here together for 2-3 years, then I would get pregnant and we'd head back to be closer to our families since neither of us have any out here. Never mind the fact that we weren't even engaged when I moved.

Fast forward past the puppy (Tony), the engagement (Big Sur), the wedding (New Orleans), the honeymoon (Paris-Kenya-Zanzibar), the baby (cute) and we're here. With no real plans to leave. We are so fortunate to have a great community of friends that almost makes up for the fact that we have no family here. Almost. If we weren't so close with our families I think the distance would be less of an issue. But, I hate to think of only seeing my baby nephew every couple of months and the same for Mr. Monk with the rest of our relatives. Yes, I realize that traveling across the country every couple of months is going to be untenable soon and basically already is. Given that we're spending a fortune on airfare, (hello $500 roundtrip flights. I hate you) I am not sure how long we can keep this up.

Our main issue, aside from the general loveliness of our life here and the whole not wanting to leave it, is that we don't know where to go. We can't seem to think of a city that is similar to San Francisco in terms of access to great food/culture/music/farmer's markets/progressive and mostly not aggressive mindset. While we don't yet feel ready for the 'burbs, we have also come to accept that my husband just can't deal with life in the NYC. After about four days, he starts getting twitchy, agitated and yell-y. Even in Brooklyn! For a man who is so laid back he makes Jack Johnson look uptight, this is not a good look. So, where does that leave us? With the suburbs and NY out, we can't seem to swallow moving to DC, Philly or any of the other smaller cities on the EC right now.

All of this to say, we're here. And this is where we will be. For now. I know that we will in all likelihood make our way back to the Atlantic at some point. I can't admit to myself what I sometimes think, which is maybe we should stay. In the meantime, I am going to retire my "why I want to move" speech and enjoy the scenery. I've spent far too much time obsessing over what's next and what will be that I'm not paying attention to what is. It's a pretty good life, when you're willing to live it.

So, I'm a Californian?


  1. That must be hard. Maybe you could convince your entire family to move to where you are? You could play the lotto, win big and buy everyone homes right next to each other! Happy Friday, have a great weekend. :)

  2. Totally buying a lotto never know :-)