Well, you already know the outcome

I just saw this Tumblr, Old Loves, posted on Cup of Joe and I am OBSESSED! I can't stop clicking through all the pictures. I love how there are the highbrow classic actors-

Old Hollywood

...juxtaposed with the less highbrow-

Must Love Blogs

It's voyeuristic and fascinating without the creepy, invasive and mostly mean feeling that you get from the usual celeb gossip sites. The fashion changes alone are worth a few glances.

Why indeed?

When I was walking out of our local Whole Foods parking lot yesterday I saw a homeless man approach a father and his two daughters, aged about 3/4 and 6/7. The father shook his head, albeit with measured compassion and an awkward smile, and walked away. I hadn't planned on giving the homeless person (the same one I see at least 3-5x per week and give money to maybe every third time) anything that day, but I felt compelled to after seeing the sad look the older daughter gave him. He smiled, blessed me and wished me well on the sunny afternoon. I caught up with the father and his daughters a bit further down the block and overheard the following exchange, more or less:

Older daughter: ...but why?
Father: I don't know why exactly but I think he probably was asking for money because he needs it.
Older daughter: So why didn't you give him anything?
Father: Well, it is hard to give to one person because there are a lot of people asking for money and we can't give to everyone.
Older daughter: What if we did give to everyone?
Father: Then we wouldn't have enough for us.
Younger daughter: I could give him this (holding up her chocolate milk).
Father: (laughter).

They then crossed the street and I didn't catch the rest of the day's important lesson. Being privy to this conversation initially made me so excited for Mr. Monk to start talking and asking serious questions. Then it dawned on me that I'll be the one who supposedly has the answers. I'll be expected to know what to say and how to make sense of all the sadness and evil and confusion in this world. How do I do that when I can't even begin to understand it myself? I felt more like the daughter in this conversation than the father. But why can't we just give to everyone and make do with less? How is it possible that I went into the store, bought 5 types of organic produce and chemical-free diapers and spent over $40 while this man is asking for any change I can spare? I don't know how to reconcile my guilt over getting what I want while many folks are barely getting what they need.

As I walked home, I thought of how important it is to me to instill in my child a true sense of gratitude, perspective and luck. I'm thinking as he gets older we should institute a buy one, give one program of our own for his toys. And little does he know all the years of volunteering his mama has planned for him.

I hope all of you are feeling some gratitude this weekend. If nothing else, the days getting longer is reason enough to celebrate, though I suppose it means winter is really coming even if it was 70 degrees in SF today.

You know where to find me

OK folks, now that the great pukefest of '12 has subsided, it's time to get serious on ye olde blog. I have to make some major decisions. About my closet. My new walk-all-the-way-in-and-kind-of-turn-around-closet!! I mean...this should make the months of dragging my baby and our soiled undies to the laundromat a whole lot less painful. We didn't really set out to create a bigger closet, but we had some extra space due to the renovations and, voila, I am appeased. Personally, I think it's all a ploy on my husband's part to buy some more time in SF.

It's hard to imagine that once it's done I won't have to wear the same three outfits because I will actually be able see what's in my wardrobe. You don't even want to know what's going on in my current closet. While technically a barely there walk-in, there are so many clutterings and crappings all over the floor that it's more of a lean-in. If you looked at my closet I think you'd be scared for my sanity and my baby's well being. It's creepy and smelly in there. I'm not sure how it got this bad, but it's pretty much the opposite of the rest of my home. I'm a neat freak and have to constantly straighten up so that everything is just so. But, of course, I have my dark, ugly secret closet where I shove it all in and hope for the best. No wonder most of my shoes barely make it out alive after their first year inside.

Naturally, I put off the design until the absolute possible last minute and am now trying to become a quasi architect overnight so I can draw out what I want. The fact that the space is actually kind of small and we can't use all the walls makes it a little less complex, but still. I'm trying to remember how to make those three dimensional boxes that I used to think were so cool in the third grade. Here are some of my pinterest faves to inspire me. Too bad my whole bedroom would fit into these rooms.

Via

Via

Via

Going viral

There is a plague upon my house. We just got through our first major illness as a family. Mr. Monk, Tony and I were all in it together. Mr. Schneed was in Vegas, partying with porn stars and craps tables. Or at a conference, whatever. The porn conference happened to be the same weekend too, how sad for him. I spent much of yesterday covered in puke, human and canine. I didn't know what mess to clean up first. I don't think the two youngins being sick at the same time was actually related, but what a fun coinkidink, eh?*

Watching my poor, defenseless and utterly confused son wretch his little guts out was painful. Multiple sheets, a stroller, about a million articles of clothing and an air purifier (oh, the irony) were caught in the virus' wake. Hooray again for not having a functioning washer/dryer. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do for him but try to keep him hydrated. Just a little tip from my sister to me to you--try freezing pedialyte in little cubes. My guy was much more willing to take a mini pedialyte pop than drink it straight up. He hung on to my neck with his little monkey arms and didn't want to be put down for hours on end. Is it awful to say that I kind of enjoyed the snuggle time? My child is usually running in 30 different directions and can't be bothered to stop for a cuddle with his baking vessel. It was sort of lovely to lie on the couch with him in dead silence as he looked at me, looked at the dog, moaned. End scene.

Thankfully, the sickness for both pup and lasted far less than the doctor's predicted 3-4 days (wtf? I would have lost my mind). By yesterday evening he seemed mostly fine and this morning he is back to his full throttle self. Watch out, world.

Unfortunately, I am now puking my own big girl guts out just in time for the Mister's arrival. Welcome back!

*Given that I've just joined in on the hijinks hours after I first wrote the post, I'm starting to rethink this...

Wannabe nomad

Despite having just returned from 2 weeks away from our house and home, this article is giving me some serious wanderlust.

The 45 Places to Go in 2012

Justin Mott for The New York Times
Koh Rong Island, Cambodia. More Photos »

At least two of the places listed, Oakland and Tahoe, are basically in our backyard. Pretty sweet.

We're off to explore a bit this weekend...enjoy!

Flipping out

So yesterday, after being home for one day and cleaning the floor about 46 times, I decided to finally (finally!) buy a floor mat. You win, Mr. Monk, you win. I guess you are right, the food does belong on the floor and not in the mouth. His new favorite trick is to wipe every single bit of food off his tray when he decides he's had enough. Usually that's after two bites and I stupidly clean up the mess and put more on his tray. And, the fun begins anew. Can you guess who cries first? At least the mat is pretty cute and not truck-patterned. We are on truck overload up in here.

This morning I accomplished something I would have thought impossible. I almost didn't even try because I felt it so foolish a task. But, try I did and now the boy has eaten kale! Kale! That's like a guarantee that he's going to be in the Olympics. I chopped it rather finely and threw it in with some eggs and my child ate it all and asked for more (muh, muh). Pretty sneaky, eh? Just call me Jessica Seinfeld. Then again, this is the same kid who loves our "special" juice and hates anything with sugar. I'm not even sure he's mine.

The wonders continued at spin class where I didn't pass out (though it got a little iffy at one point) and I totally fished my wish for some Michael Jackson. After a slammin' soundtrack featuring Madonna, JT, Rihanna, Cindy Lauper, Jay Z, I started jonesing for some Thriller action. And...boom, Beat It was the last song. So, what should I use my powers for now?

Speaking of special powers, I cannot stop reading "The Hunger Games" trilogy. I plowed through the first two books and am now rounding 50% on the third. I feel like I'm 15 again when I couldn't put my Kurt Vonnegut books down. Maybe I am a secret sci-fi nerd after all. Have you read them?

Things I learned while vacationing with a toddler

1. Always bring more snacks than you think you'll need.

2. Don't tell a mom who is struggling to corral her wild child, "wow, he must be a handful, eh?"

3. Disposable swim diapers are your new best friend. Cleaning poop out of swimsuits, even ones with built-in diapers, is not a good look!

4. Sometimes it's ok to let your kid play with the toilet paper roll in airplane/airport bathrooms.

5. Chilling at the beach while your son takes a two-hour plus nap in his stroller is a lot less fun when you realize he's completely peed all over his stroller.

6. If your child pees through his swimsuit all over his stroller one afternoon, you shouldn't be that surprised when it happens again the very next day.

7. Watching your kid chase around cats, screaming "at, at" while trying to feed them maraschino cherries is as good as it gets.

8. Pina coladas make the world happy.

9. Don't start reading "The Hunger Games" unless you've got a spare 5-10 hours in which to be sucked into a vortex where you will unable to carry on a conversation, go to the bathroom, look up.

10. Sand, while awesome, is also seriously annoying to clean off little boys' bodies.

11. Random people are very sympathetic once your toddler throws up on you mid-flight. Your husband, on the other hand, will repeatedly tell you that you smell.

12. The food that your child adores at home for some reason becomes disgusting and inedible in another country.

13. Some people really love seeing babies walk up and down the aisle on planes. Some really don't.

14. Grandparents are magical people for both children and parents alike.

15. Watching your kid walk for the first time in front of his great-grandma, grandma and great grand uncles is better than fireworks.

16. Doing shots on new years is always a bad idea.

17. The confused look on your kid's face when he wakes up in a fourth location in two weeks is seriously adorable and maybe a little sad.

18. There is always going to be someone skinnier than you on the beach. But, the odds are pretty good that there is someone fatter too.

19. Hypochondria is contagious.

20. It's best not to argue with your 96 year-old grandma when she says your son is a "cockeyed genius" just because he can find everyone's belly button.